I Feel Alive

The last several months have been surreal.

I’ve typed it out several times now in different ways and every time feels like it’s missed the mark. So let me try again.

I feel alive.

I don’t have cancer. My arthritis is managed. My brain is functioning fogless.

And I feel alive.

Let’s talk about answered prayers for a moment. There are so many of you who have taken my name before the throne of God and begged for healing, begged for treatments, begged for life.

God heard you. God healed, treated, and restored.

I know it doesn’t always happen that way, but against all odds it did this time. I don’t know why other than to say that I am totally aware that I am not the one in control of my life, and I’d like to keep it that way. I’ve seen the parts of my story that I did not plan have the most impact on people because clearly God is at work.

It’s a miracle and a gift and a blessing just to be alive and I do not take that for granted.

This spring I was able to go to NY and film a little ditty for the Conquer Cancer Foundation with my amazing oncologist. Turns out that little ditty is running on a national TV ad campaign right now, so you may see it while you watch your Hallmark Christmas favorites! This was a humbling experience for me. I was on 20mg of prednisone when we filmed, so my face was puffy and I had gained weight and all the horrible things that happen when you’re on prednisone for 4 months. And in those 4 months that I’d rather be hiding in my RV than showing my puffy face, CCF decides they want to put me on camera and then on national TV. That’s some humble pie right there. I’m glad I did it though. I think it was one of the braver things I’ve ever done, deciding that the message was more important than what people think of me and how I look. It’s had a lasting effect on my heart, which was healing in a way all by itself. Maybe all brave things are healing.

We moved into our house in September, and it is amazing! It has doors and rooms and a dishwasher and a full-sized tub (coming from an RV those things are most important)!! It’s off the main road in Fairview in the middle of nowhere across the creek in the forest and I LOVE IT. This house is the answer to a prayer I didn’t know I was praying. It brings us so much peace and calm, and others say it does the same for them. It is our place of constant healing and hospitality that we plan to share with others for many years to come. A true gift from God. I am so thankful.

That’s it for now, but there’s more to come!