Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Well friends, we did not receive good news about the MRI today.
There appear to be several small scattered lesions throughout my brain, the largest being about 1cm. I spoke today with my Vanderbilt oncologist, Dr. Keedy (this is the doctor I have been with for the last 3 years, not the clinical trial doctor) who got us in to see a radiation oncologist this afternoon. Tomorrow I am going to get a more precise MRI that will be able to tell us exactly what's what up there. They have a decent idea of what's going on up there at the moment, but they're needing a 4k high-def TV view. Or like an IMAX view. Or a 3D glasses view. Pick your metaphor.
If there are 10ish mets in the brain, they will be able to use radiosurgery to precisely zap those little guys one by one. If there are many mets, we're looking at whole brain radiation, which is less ideal. Well all of it is less ideal, but this is where we are.
My initial reaction was "Well crapballs. Big ol stupid crappy mccrapface crapballs. This is just... crapballs." Lots of frustration, lots of disappointment, no tears, no sadness, just frustration. After we were able to meet with rad onc, we were feeling much better after learning that there are options within the umbrella of radiation, that there was still hope.
John said it best- "When you get bad news, and then you get news that makes the bad news not so bad, you strangely feel happy about your bad news." That's where we are right now.
Precise MRI tomorrow morning (7:30am, sorry A&P!), so there will be more information hopefully tomorrow evening. I won't bore you with the maybes and what-ifs until we have a clear path for radiation treatment. We have cancelled our flight to Miami we had scheduled for Tuesday and will have a spot held for me in the clinical trial until radiation is done.
Thank you for your many prayers. We felt so much peace while we were waiting for these results- it wasn't a big deal at all this time. I started thinking "Man, I am getting to be awesome at this waiting stuff!" And then in the next hour I got FIVE messages of people telling me that they had been praying for peace in the waiting. Oops. I have a tendency to think that I am more awesome than I really am and to be blind to what The Lord is doing in my heart. This peace was absolutely from The Lord! So thank you for those prayers.
For now, please pray that there are less than 10 mets in my brain.
Pray that I can get radio surgery.
Pray for strength.
Pray for our families.
Pray for CJ.
Pray for an accurate MRI and an accurate reading.
Pray for healing.
So much love for you all.